Your Children's Friends

At some point in your child's life - some earlier and some later - they are going to gravitate toward their friends and everything and anything they say or do will appear kosher.

And because we live the modern urban life, most of our children's friends will most probably come from homes with highly educated parents. Educated parents tend to be very opinionated and are more vocal, and so their children follow likewise. These vocal children in turn seem to be more materialistic since their parents are rarely at home – and materialistic compensations are an all-time favourite. So now your children's peers are vocal and materialistic. Guess what is going to happen? Your children conforming and having an increased materialistic appetite? Maybe! And you don't really want to lock them up either do you? You'd be accused of starting another ISA (Internal Securities Act - where the Malaysian government incarcerate, without fair trial, any persons they perceived as threat to national security or their egos).

Even when you perceive that your children's friends are a bad influnce, you can't literally lock your children up. It's simply not their fault. And it becomes worse if those naughty children are your friend's children who visit quite regularly. It would be really tiring if you had to keep making excuses that you're busy or not at home, and chances are, you'd have to live up to your lies, or your children will start thinking that it's okay to lie.

The best way out of this situation is to teach your children how to choose their friends. There'll be times, more often than not, when you simply can't be pysically near your children watching over their every move... and if you did, that would be scary. So the best way is to arm them with intuition and discretion. Empower them by making them understand that they have the gift of 'choice' and that every choice they make bears consequences, good and bad which will affect them and their loved ones.

Children need to know that they will become like the friends they chose to hang out with. When I was a kid, I hung out with some guys from my neighbourhood. I only did it because they ganged up on me and intimidated me. After a while, out of my desperate need for acceptance, I hung out with them and did what they did. And soon before I knew it, I was cussing and swearing just like they were...until my dad caught me one day. He taught me the power of choice and since then, I have been careful who I choose as friends - although I remain friendly with almost everyone.